How many times have you heard “Beauty is in the eye of the beholder”? So, cliché right, but have you considered what that means and believe it? Think about it, “beauty is in the eye of the beholder” when you are staring in the mirror, you are looking at yourself and you are the beholder. How do you view yourself?
As a child I thought I wasn’t beautiful, it wasn’t something that I heard regularly and it seemed that all the guys in school were attracted to other girls besides me. This mindset unfortunately followed me up into my teenage years and the lie found its way into my adult life. There are a lot of moments where I didn’t feel good enough or pretty enough, where I felt that I was too thin or too thick. Moments where I wasn’t wearing the right clothes or shoes, my hair wasn’t done and I wasn’t comfortable in my own skin. The reality is that I’ve felt this way until 2 years ago…hmm maybe even one year! I’ve had people tell me what was wrong with me and that also didn’t make me feel comfortable.
It isn’t until I look back at photos of myself where I think, “Marshay, you are beautiful!” It was when I began to see my unique features and accept myself as I am. Recently, I came across my Senior Prom picture, I remember on that day thinking that I wasn’t pretty and that maybe I should’ve had my dress a little looser. I had my dress custom made and the designer wanted it to be tight, like really snatched, but that really isn’t my style and I didn’t know how to say that back then. I wanted it to hug my curves but not to the point that I couldn’t breathe. Looking at that picture though, I remembered the pain of the moment and what I was feeling. Man, I wish I could give that girl a hug. Fast forward to college and entering the workforce, I didn’t know how to dress and how to pick the right clothes for my body. I looked in the mirror and thought I was “fat” although I will go back to that “fat” any day of the week now haha. I didn’t have great self-esteem and let me tell you what happened to me twice. There are two particular moments where others felt that different guys liked me, I couldn’t see it because I felt that they would be attracted to women who were smaller than I was, can I tell you what happened and this is no disrespect or shade to anyone…they ended up marrying women who were bigger than I was. They have beautiful wives, marriages and babies, but I did take a moment and think about how I discredited myself and sabotaged my own chances because of my poor self-esteem.
I wasn’t happy with myself because I was trying to be like everyone else. I wanted to wear my hair like everyone else because that was “socially acceptable” all the while I’m secretly dying inside. I would emulate the different clothes people wore and I didn’t feel comfortable. When I first became a manager I noticed that my manager and the HR Director would wear a full pantsuit each day so I went out and bought pantsuits, then I would see people wear separates and I tried doing that too. However, it wasn’t all bad, I just had to find what worked for me. I had a suit I loved and eventually after observing others fashion I settled on my look for work and I felt SUPER comfortable and myself. The reality is that everyone has a different body and a different style, no two are the same. Later on, I would find how I really like to wear my hair and after that, you couldn’t tell me nothing. I know I am beautiful and anyone who disagrees it’s on them.
Now I know I’ve mentioned a lot about the outside, but trust the work had to really be done on the inside. I had to love and accept myself and my body as I am. I had to cultivate a health relationship and balance with food, emotions and fitness. I learned to love myself on the journey to becoming my best self.
People say all the time if you don’t like something about yourself, then change it but it’s not that easy. How many times have we started and stopped a new diet, changed our hairstyles or spent so much money on a new wardrobe thinking it would solve everything that we feel about ourselves. Did it work? Potentially no, because its more than what is on the outside, there has to be a mindset shift. You have to look at yourself and rather than pick yourself and only see your flaws, love what you see. Maybe love is hard for you right now, then like what you see, accept what you see, embrace what you see. You are YOU!!! There is no one in this world like you. I’m still working on my health, I have to get more facial waxes than I care to admit, but at the end of the day, I am ME! For so long I spent a lot of time comparing myself to others and feeling that there was something wrong with me when there really wasn’t. I wasn’t taught how to make sure my clothes fit properly and my hair is always done and that’s fine because my mom did the best she could. But, just because I wasn’t taught as a child doesn’t mean I can’t learn as an adult. So, three tips to help you recognize your beauty:
- Acceptance – you have to accept and honor what you see when you look in the mirror at your beautiful self, flaws and all. Love who you are right now while you are on the journey to who you want to become.
- Ask for help – for me this is consulting with the professionals. When I really wanted to make a change in my weight, I sought out my doctor who connected me with a nutritionist. From there I follow people on Instagram who give great and useful fitness tips. For my mental health I see a therapist that helps me shed and release my old and negative mindset. I also made an appointment with a stylist who helped me find clothes that accentuated my curves and was flattering on my body. These were things I did and I think they may help.
- Enjoy the journey – I’ve always said I am a recovering perfectionist. I totally remember the days of beating myself up because I had a setback. Every day isn’t going to be perfect and when you make a mistake, just keep moving forward. Think about if you’re walking to the grocery store and you stumble or trip over your own feet, do you give up going to the store or do you decide to just be a little more careful and carry on continuing your walk? I’m certain you continue on with your journey and the same is for this life, don’t allow a few mistakes to make you feel that you have to start over, you don’t, just keep moving forward.
- Hahaha I know I said three tips but this one is easy: REPEAT steps 1-3 always! Don’t go at this alone and always love yourself and see all your beauty because I do.
I pray that this helps and encourages you because YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL!!!
With Love,
