Self-care. What is this foreign language? What is the meaning of this word that has been thrown around a lot lately? Self-care is exactly what it says, taking care of oneself; of YOURSELF of ME!
First, let’s start with identifying what self-care would look like. It may include getting a manicure, pedicure and/or massage. Relaxing in a nice bubble bath and enjoying your favorite scented candle. Gathering with friends or by yourself to have a meal in your favorite restaurant. Taking time away from the everyday life for a stay-cation or weekend getaway. A shopping trip or cuddling up with a great book and coffee/tea in your favorite mug. Self-care looks different for everyone and could also be going to the gym or doing an outdoor activity.
But what happens when self-care seems to be incorporated into your normal life and routine, does it still fall under “self-care”? Recently, I had this thought and experience for myself. Every month in my budget, I have a line item for my hair and nails. Unknowingly getting my nails done moved from being a self-care item, to a monthly to-do item on my list. I don’t know when this started but what used to give me a moment to relax and take a breather has become another to-do list item, so in my mind, it didn’t qualify as self-care anymore.
In a Facebook group I am part of, we were challenged to complete a self-care item for ourselves and post what we did in the group. Throughout the group the ladies were all getting their hair and nails done or getting a massage. I was so happy that everyone was completing their homework assignment, but I found myself dumbfounded on what to do for me. As stated, I regularly get a mani/pedi. I wear my natural curls and only see my stylist every other month for a haircut. I go to the chiropractor once a month as well and usually book a massage when I go, so that didn’t seem like self-care to me. These items were always something that I had to do for my health and to keep my body intact. Getting my nails done was something I needed to do for work. What used to relax me became a need and my definition of self-care changed with it.
I was talking to my therapist about this and she asked me what my definition of self-care was and I replied something that you do occasionally or to “treat yourself”. She definitely corrected me and informed me that self-care is anything you do for yourself. With this epiphany, I started thinking and realized that I had taken the items that were truly moments of self-care for granted. I had also become entitled, rather than looking at these moments as a gift and appreciation that I get to have a spa day. I believe that anything that isn’t appreciated/valued will produce less of a return and this is exactly what happened to me. I remember the moments I would take a deep breath and relax, close my eyes and zone out as I was pampered. Now, I’m more on edge, uptight, wanting to make sure everything is done properly, that my massages aren’t too light and all of this has created more tension and pressure on me rather than relaxing me lol.
I want to encourage all of you (as I am also encouraging myself) to really take a deep breath and enjoy the moments. Figure out what self-care means and look like for you and then go do it. When we take for granted the moments of peace and serenity we are robbing ourselves of allowing our cup to be refilled so we can continue to pour out to everyone who is dependent on us. It is impossible to pour from an empty cup and while we feel that we have superpowers and can do anything, we can’t neglect our personal wellness.
So much more can be said on this topic, however, I will end it here!
With Love,
Marshay
